By: Lizzy Pace
Episode 7 (Air Date: 2/18/19)
We're starting with another video confessional by our boy Dolty. This time it's shot like he's in Blair Witch Project with half his face in darkness. You know, for duality. Dolty: "Katie told me there still are some people here who aren't ready... Sydney said the same thing... Demi said the same thing... That's three people that had the same thing to say while saying goodbye to me... What the fuck?"
"That's my ultimate fear in all of this... I don't want to make a mistake... Good news is we're going to Denver. I'm going home." He seems not excited at all.
THEY GO TO DENVER
Dolton meets with Unlovable Ben for advice.
Dolton: "Last week I said three goodbyes. In all of those goodbyes they left me with a warning... It's terrifying because now, it's making me think." It's so annoying because I don't like when my brain turns on.
Unlovable Ben: "Say to them what you said to me." But do it with a better haircut. Dolton: "I'm falling in love with multiple people.. I'm nervous." Unlovable Ben: "Lean in. Be intentional. Donât be scared."
Dolton meets up with the Players, accompanied by his new Unlovable advice and his old dog named after a gun, Sniper. All the ladies rub up on Sniper to try to get extra points. Dolton: "Wow you're in Heaven right now... I hope you guys can see why I love Denver." Because the "winner" willlllll have to move here.
Phlebotemist Tayshia One-on-One
The dates begin right now in this field to maximize emotional torture. Dolton pulls Phlebotemist, leaving the losers in a line to contemplate how they fucked up.
They eat oysters. Erika: "Let's have oysters somewhere landlocked." Dolton: "Vrry good."
They feed ice cream to Sniper. It's a third cone. Where'd that third cone come from??
Dolton brings up the dramz: "It wasn't only Katie... I knew looking at you she wasn't talking about you. I'm not questioning your readiness." He chose Phlebotemist specifically for this information-gathering date.
Back at the Hotel...
Meanwhile, Cassie and Miss NC are LITERALLY PLOTTING, talking strategy like mobsters.
Cassie: "I think Tayshia would say something to me if she was concerned." Miss NC: "Miss NC: "At least nobody named names. If someone names us it's like, you don't know us." No one has ever seemed more guilty of anything than these two talking about how they so don't want to be the next Bachelorette.
Back on the Date...
Phlebotemist gives up the dirt, throwing the C-names hardddd under da bus: "I don't want to tattle tale. I just feel like you should know. I feel like Cassie and Caelynn aren't genuine. They're already talking about being the next Bachelorette. They also said they don't think they're going to be ready to get engaged... What parties they'll hit after this and the people they'll get to know." I love this so fucking much.
Now they're cooking together. Whose house are they in? It looks no one lives there. Dolton: "Your family, what do they think of all this?" Phlebotemist: "My Dad might be a little closed off... The way my last relationship ended was really hard on my family... His personality type is a hard ass." Dolton: "You can call it old-fashioned or whatever but I can't get down on one knee if I don't have the father's blessing."
Back at the Hotel...
Kiss Virgin's still here somehow. Miss NC gets the one-on-one. All the other women start immediately crying. Cassie: "I know you needed this. It sucks but I'm happy for you."
Back on the Date...
Phlebotemist tells Dolton that her Dad will be happy seeing her "happy in another healthy relationship." A healthy relationship??? She literally just told him two other of his girlfriends are dating him just for Instagram followers. She gets rose and has made it to Hometowns. Dolton takes her into the bedroom of this fake apartment. Dolty: "This is where the magic doesn't happen."
Phlebotemist puts on a football jersey with his last name on it to get in on this non-magical dry-humping. Patriarch me up, Daddy.
Dolton's confessional: "I started to fall in love with Tayshia. Her walking out with her last name on my jersey could possibly be foreshadowing. The night we had I could definitely see doing it with Tayshia the rest of my life."
Back at the Hotel...
Kirpa's fucked up on painkillers from her mysterious injuries: "If I get to talk to him I will express my concerns. It's about to go downnnnn." I believe Kirpa and Tayshia but honestly it's not like they're NOT thinking they could be next Bachelorette. No heroes here.
Miss NC One-on-One
Miss NC jumps into Dolton's arms. Her Mount is terrible. She never even practiced. @bachelorclues: "Respect the game, Jesus."
Dolton acts as her snowboarding instructor.
Dolton: "I had a blast with you today. I'm not going to lie I did have something in the back of my mind... She did share with me that she thought you were one of the women who wasn't quite ready... what stuck with me the most was comments about getting to the end of this but not getting engaged. Talks about the Bachelorette." Miss NC: "What, me?" HER FACE!!!!
Miss NC shakes her head: "It doesn't make any sense to me. I hate this. I fucking hate this... It like terrifies me to know the way I'm feeling and the fact that I could lose you over something that's completely fabricated. I hate that the Bachelorette got brought up... I can see a future and a life with us."
Dolton: "I'm trying to understand why someone would go out of their way if it's not even true." Miss NC's confessional: "How the fuck would Tayshia know if I'm ready or not. Someone legit pulls a lie out of their ass... Those conversations those lies, none of that has ever left my mouth... From an insecure 28-year-old girl." This cougar better not ruin this for me. Miss NC: "I better get a rose because I will call that stupid bitch out." That was so deeply unlikable. She's clearly lying.
Miss NC: "I hate that this happened and so close to Hometowns." @bachelorclues: "Almost made it to playoffs."
Now Dolton is crying. Dolton: "It's just been a lot... I feel more confused than ever. I'm heading into Hometowns I have no clue what the fuck I'm going to do."
Miss NC has no choice but to tell him she loves him now: "I care about you so much. And I'm here for you... I wouldn't be here if I wasn't feeling the way Iâm feeling... I don't want to lose that. It scares the shit out of me. I pray to god that it's us at the end... Have kids and raise kids. That is what I want." Now she's real desperate, bringing fucking god into it. "I'm falling in love with you." Yup, had to. Dolton: "What you've been through gives me more confidence in us." He gives her rose. Can't really say I don't believe a survivor...
Back at the House...
Kiss Virgin thinks she's getting a one-on-one lol. Alabama Hama gets it. All faces are distraught.
Hama: "Thank the freaking lord." The Lord wants me to have this one-on-one. Erika: none of these girls remember 9-11.
Miss NC informs Cassie that Phlebotemist talked trash on her, but they don't know she also included Cassie.
Miss NC pulls Phlebotemist to talk, rose-holder to rose-holder. Phlebotemist: "The only two people who acted defensively were you and Cassie... We all came up with the same conclusion." Miss NC: "You can't tell me if I'm ready." Phlebotemist: "Colton asked me a question, and I told him my opinion. I never once threw you under the bus." I 10,000 percent believe Phlebotemist.
ALABAMA HAMA DATE
Dolton says being around simple Hama "is so refreshing." Surprise! He introduces her to his family. She's like I would have worn full pants and no crop top. Dolton: "My Mom and Dad are going to shoot me straight." I know Dolton's Dad clearly fucked him up in many ways but he's kind of hot. Dolton unloads on him. Daddy Dolton: "Trust your gut more than the comments of anybody else."
Dolton's Mom: "At the end of this do you see yourself ready for an engagement? How do you think his feelings are for you?" Hama: "I would like to know... He hasn't said that back to me yet."
Dolton to rents: "She told me she's falling in love with me. I'm not there yet." They leave and Dolton looks like he's going to shit himself. Hama: "Are you OK?" Dolton: "Yeah I'm good."
Later at Drinks...
Hama thinks she's got this in the bag: "I got a Hometown before Hometowns." He's never sent someone home on a one-on-one but he's got his big boy pants on now. Dolton: "I don't know if I'm there. I can't shake your father's hand and know I have no doubts in the relationship." As opposed to Miss NC. No red flags there.
Hama: "I'm a little confused as to what you want but I'm glad to know that now. I don't deserve that." Dolton: "I know there's someone for you... You're going to make someone incredibly happy." Jesus fucking Christ. Did he miss any breaking up cliche? It's not you it's me.
Hama decides she's gonna be Tattler 5 on her way out: "Listen to people about things and peoples' intentions." Yas Hama! She's the feminist icon we deserve: "I will not allow myself to not feel chosen every single day. I'll wait until whenever that is." Would watch the shit out of a Hama season.
Train Group Date
Dolton takes four women on a train. There are two roses up for grabs. Kiss Virgin does the rose calculations and does a PRE-EMPTIVE BREAK UP! Kiss Virgin: "I don't know that I'm ready for that." They kiss bye.
The Kiss Train leaves the station with Kiss Virgin standing awkwardly at the back. Dolton & Bachelor Nation immediately forget about her.
Kirpa says that she doesn't want Dolton to be blindsided by Cassie but "I'll only tell him if he asks about it."
Dolton brings it up with Cassie, "Hearing your name brought up in that terrified me." Cassie says a bunch of fragmented nonsense: "I don't know why girls are making stuff up like that... There's no truth to it and I can't even say... I don't know why someone would make that up... I haven't done anything... I don't get it." This is amazing.
Dolton the Dolt: "If I'm trusting my gut, my feeling is she never would have gone to the lengths to say something like that."
Kirpa gives Dolton a book and we got no explanation. Mystery wounds. Mystery book. All we get to hear is her take on the C-ladies. Kirpa: "I don't want you at the end to be blindsided... I've had to end an engagement and don't want anyone to go through that. I have concerns about Cassie and Caelynn... After Katie left. Only two girls that started to panic and got really defensive."
Dolton: "I'm hearing two completely different things... Where did my gut go wrong?" Now Cassie and Kirpa get into it. Cassie: "Why would you spend your time with him talking about me? A lie!" Kirpa: "Katie told the girls." Cassie: "Let me grab my phone and call Katie right now." Kirpa: "You don't have anything to back it up." Cassie: "You don't have anything to back it up!"
Cassie: "You're fucking with him... This all reeks of desperation to me... You should feel bad about it. In my opinion, you're an idiot."
Kirpa: "I think that when people get defensive and resort to crying, it's because they know their intentions aren't right or they're hiding something." Dolton can't untangle this during the daylight hours: "I wanna head into the evening and continue our conversations and take it from there." Erika: "Hannah should not speak the whole date. She can skate through on a technicality." @bachelorclues: "Stay clean."
CONTENT HANNAH VS KIRPA VS CASSIE
Dolton: "I did get clarity on one thing. Hannah can we go out and talk?" Dolton takes a rose and gives it to Content Hannah. You're dismissed. He doesn't need a conversation with Hannah after all their meaningful shower time. Remember?
KIRPA VS CASSIE
Cassie: "One of us will go and one stays."
Back at the Hotel...
Content Hannah returns and fills the other Players in: "You missed a lot. Kirpa and Cassie ended up getting in, I guess an altercation... Kirpa expressed her opinions and then Cassie expressed hers."
Miss NC decides it's time for her to go to bat for Cassie: "If she's going home because he was fed false information." Miss NC crashes the date and says to Dolton: "As much as I want it to be you and I. Knowing that you're not getting the full truth is killing me. I wanted you to have all the facts." Miss NC is Russia with Trump. Making up a bunch of shit to save her asset.
Dolton: "I have to trust my gut." Your gut is in your penis right? He gives rose to Cassie.
Kirpa: "He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. I was really hoping that he'd come home and meet my family." She starts crying. Dolty kisses Cassie. Dolton: "It's not about the she-said she-said thing. It's about my instinct and what my gut's telling me. I just know how I feel when I'm with Cassie." Guys, just leave me alone. I wanna bang Cassie, OK?!
We get to the end of another episode where Dolty hasn't jumped over SHIT.
Tag: Phlebotemist has chocolate all over her jeans. Dolton wipes her.