By: Lizzy Pace
Episode 6 (Air Date: 2/11/19)
We're back where we left off with Nicole and Snorkler Onyeka screaming at each other over bullying or some shit. Dolton watches like a golden retriever on the wall and then HAS HAD ENOUGH. He takes himself on a walk down the beach, into the darkness. He paces back and forth but there's not a fucking wall in sight.
Nicole crosses herself. Chad: "Praying to Lord Harrison."
Kirpa's injuries remain unaddressed. Roses for Kirpa, Phlebotemist Tayshia, Demi, Katie, Ex-Dancer Sydney, and Kiss Virgin. Snorkler Onyeka finally goes home. Also Nicole. Onyeka: "If I'm going to get rejected at least it's to Not-Nicole." Not-Not-Nicole's crying.
The Next Day...
Dolton emerges shirtless from the ocean, nature's shower. Oh no, another selfie testimonial: "I'm in Vietnam just finishing up my run. This week is about clarity." Just doing my usual routine: finishing up a shirtless run, swimming in the ocean alone, and then filming myself narrating my day ahead of me.
The women say OMG at the hotel pond. They say OMG at the pool. They say OMG at the hotel room. They say OMG at the balcony. They then scream, "Good Morning Vietnam!" off the balcony. Someone: "Only two weeks til hometowns!" There's still a lot of players. Calm down. Content Hannah gets the first One-on-One. The others are pissed. She gives an acceptance speech: "I did not expect this." I did not expect this. I'd like to thank my manager for getting me on the show, my 30,000 Russian bots that I bought to follow me on IG...
Content Hannah One-on-One
Dolton and Content Hannah get facials and then they get wrapped in some green shit. Dolton: "We look like a sushi roll. There's no one I'd rather get rolled up with."
They come up for air to make out in a mud tub. Now they make out in a shower.
Back at the Hotel...
Cassie and Miss NC discuss how they want everyone to get kicked off on their one-on-ones.
Back on Content Hannah's Date...
Dolton: "What was your favorite part of today?" Content Hannah: "Showering." Now she gets deep: Before this process... "I haven't been able to focus on myself." Too busy producing content. She uses an Offensive Walls strategy, aka her parents divorce: "I have a memory and it's so lame. So my Dad loves his yard... I just remember the moment of my Mom driving through the yard to pack up all her stuff... It tore me up. I realized that like we weren't a family anymore."
Dolton relates because his parents divorced. He apparently never asked his parents why though?? They kiss. Dolton: "You reminded me of home... With me you have a place to laugh, and also a shoulder to cry on, and also a person who's going to be there for you." If you win. He hands her rose. Content Hannah: "I am falling in love with him." Dolton: "I love that she was able to be so open and vulnerable with me... I can picture Hannah being my wife... I definitely can say that I'm falling in love with Hannah."
Back at the Hotel...
Group date's announced and Kirpa gets One-on-One. Those who haven't gotten solo time with Dolty realize their time is very short. Ex-Dancer Sydney, who quit her job to come: "I feel disappointed in myself... I could've done better." She's crying. Demi's also crying. Demi: "I can't keep doing this. This is my sixth group date."
Fighting Group Date
The ladies are in full makeup and workout gear, ready for today's fresh hell. They see Dolton get attacked by a series of small fighters. I love that to be the Bachelor you have to fucking learn stunts now.
They've changed Kiss Virgin's chyron to "Has Been Kissed". Great, she got a promotion! Dolton: "We're learning the ancient art of" something that sounds like vulva. Dolton: "I'm ready to get after it." They play a gong noise as he karate chops the camera. Nothing about this is not offensive. Hama: "I woke up this morning as Hannah Beast." Stop trying to make Hannah Beast happen, Hama.
Now they have to physically fight each other, your classic step in forming any long-lasting relationship. Demi: "It wouldn't be a group date if someone wasn't bleeding and crying by the end of it."
Lord Harrison judges with the host of Bachelor Vietnam. When Kiss Virgin fights Ex-Dancer Sydney, she screams the entire time. Someone: "It sounded like birthing sounds."
Demi and Katie start beating the shit out of each other for real. Dolton looks nervously to the side. During the Stanford Prisoner Experiment he would've been like errrr guess I gotta keep shocking you?? So sorry about this!
Someone gets hurt, whaaaaa?!?! It's Demi. She's such a pro. Dolton gets permission from the producers to step up and be the hero: "I want this to be fun and enjoyable for everybody... I've seen enough... Now we have an afterparty to get to." I've seen enough for WHAT exactly??
Group Date Afterparty
Dolton pulls Phlebotemist Tayshia first. How's the harem life treating you? In a great use of Defensive Walls (when you sense you're at the bottom of the stack), she reveals: "It's kind of scaring me." Dolton: "Every time I'm around you I just want to know more... I've never dated this many people. But our one-on-ones. I'd kill for them every single day." But I gotta be honest, if we were rolled up like sushi I'd only want to be with Content Hannah. They make out.
Katie's feeling the pressure. I don't know who she is so she probably should be. She also brings up her Defensive Walls to Dolton. Katie: "It's hard for me to show my emotions... Sometimes it's hard for me to show when I'm super happy... I'm really monotone." She cries, "I wouldn't want to go home with you thinking I didn't try." Dolton: "This is what I like to see." You crying. Dolton sounds like a fucking terrible motivational speaker: "Hey this is me love me or hate me. Once you do it it gives you a new perspective." They just hug. Katie: "All it takes is one off night [to go home]. I don't want to say that but thats the truth."
Dolton has Hama on his lap. Dolton: "You were having a blast with it." Hama: "I kickbox at home... Do you feel good about me?" Dolton: Yeah!" Hama: "I want you to see what you would get at the end of this. I'm kind of weird. Sometimes cute and sexy but not all the time." She's kind of a nerd.
Meanwhile, Ex-Dancer Sydney is losing it and calls the other Players "shiny objects" to Phlebotemist. They watch Hama showing Dolton how to use a stick and express frustration at shiny object Hama getting roses. Ex-Dancer Sydney to Dolton: "Last night I got really upset... Is there a reason you're not putting me on a one-on-one?" Dolton: "I'm still figuring out how every relationship is different... I want to try."
Dolton sits down with Demi after she literally got punched in the face. Dolton: "Your nose looks fabulous right now." Demi: "I'm actually really sensitive... I wanted to know if you'd call [my Mom] with me. I haven't heard her voice outside of 'this is a federal prison'." They call her Mom in an advanced PTC move, Emotional Entrapment. Demi: "getting to talk to my Mom and sharing the first moment with her with Colton since she's been out. It's something I can treasure forever."
Now there's a commerical for "Isnt It Romantic" with Tia?? It pains my soul that Tia got in a fucking commercial. Back to the Game and Ex-Dancer Sydney's still complaining. She's really fun. She grabs Dolton again. Dolton: "I dont have it figured out." Ex-Dancer Sydney: "You're taking a lot of easier choices with the people you're pursuing... I want something real and I want something magical." I want something real and I want something magical. That's fucking hilarious.
Ex-Dancer: "Because of that, I am going to go home today." Dolton: "As much as this upsets me"... [it doesn't upset me]. Ex-Dancer waves by at the other Players as Dolton walks her out. Dolton: "I know how much you've given up to be here and I'm sorry." Ex-Dancer: "Don't be distracted by shiny things."
Dolton goes back to the women: "I just said goodbye to Sydney. She decided she wanted to leave... It made me think about how much more I can give to you all." Now you're so lucky and get .07% more of my attention! Phlebotemist Tayshia gets the rose.
WHEN'S HE GOING TO JUMP THE FUCKING WALL??
Dolton: "There's still some people who aren't ready to be engaged and that terrifies me." Erika: What do you think you're going to get when you assemble a group of 23-year-olds?
Kirpa runs down the beach into Doltons arms. Dolton apologizes for dumping her friend Ex-Dancer. Kirpa: "I respect what she did." Dolton: "I'm continuously surprised by you. I like a little mystery and I like a little surprise." They go on a boat. They put on snorkels. Onyeka is dying somewhere. They stab sea urchins? Surprise! Then they eat them?? Dolton: "I'm hoping tonight Kirpa and I can push our relationship and see where it can go."
Later at Dinner...
Dolton: "She's been a slow and steady burn." She's going home next week.
Dolton asks Kirpa about her previous engagement. "Kirpa: We were together for eight years... he was saving himself for marriage. We were staying stagnant... it was rough... I don't want to just get engaged again unless I know its going to be the right person." Dolton: "I just want to straight up ask you. Can you see yourself if the feelings are there getting engaged at the end of this?" Kirpa: "Yeah." Dolton: "You have this calm confidence that bleeds into our relationship." You have confidence bleeding out of your whatever. She gets the rose. He's so people-pleaser I can see him having a hard time dumping people on one-on-ones.
Back at the Hotel...
Dirpa returns with rose while Demi prepares for a Knock Knock: "Hopefully after tonight Colton won't be a virgin anymore." PLEASE. Chad: Demi is engineering her own story. She's playing the game within the game of course.
Demi's Knock Knock
Demi calls Colton "Coco." He pours her wine. Demi says she's checking in and then: "I never thought that it would be this real for me... And like. I now feel like I am falling in love with you." Coco looks uncomfortable. Emotional Leveling Up TOO EARLY DEMI!! Dolton: "I can't put you through a rose ceremony." NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COCO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????
Demi looks twelve walking away. Erika: she liked a comment I made on her Instagram. Me: what comment? Erika: Tiny Legend.
Tiny Legend goes back to the hotel and cries to the Hannahs. Hama hugs her while Content Hannah strokes her back.
She leaves. The Hannahs clutch each other.
Lord Harrison brings on the drama: "There's eight of you here all on one couch. There won't be a cocktail party."
Katie: "I'm praying our last conversation was enough. It'll have to be enough."
Roses for Hama, Miss NC, Speech Pathologist Reality Star Cassie, and Kiss Virgin Heather. Goodbye Katie. It wasn't enough.
Katie to Dolton: "I knew there was a disconnect by your body language." Dolton: "I thought there was more to get out of you that I couldn't get." Katie: "I'm sorry." She's apologizing and making him feel better for dumping her. Katie: "You know who's ready in there. There's some that aren't. Just be smart about those girls." KAMIKAZE KATIE!!!! Or a bomb you drop after you're already dead. Dolton screaming after her: GIVE ME NAMES!!!
Dolton: "I thought Sydney was talking about Demi... Am I fucking missing something?" He goes back to the Players, now a very agitated golden retriever: "She's now the third person to leave me saying there's still some people who aren't ready for this and that's absolutely fucking terrifying for me. I'm gonna have to get answers."
Phlebotemist: "He wants someone to spill the tea." THEN, to someone in front of everyone, Phlebotemist: "Lets take this thing. It's us two. It's us at the end." WHAT???
SCENES: HE'S WEARING THE WALL-JUMP-COAT FINALLY!!
TAG: Demi shows Dolton some trinkets from prison. This is why she went home.