They show Bex bicycling to nowhere for a very long time to demonstrate how carefree and chill she is. So far here's what else we know of her personality: she loves to do damn things, Minnesota, dead Dad, & dumped by Eerie. Will we ever find out anything else? Probably not!
TUX GROUP DATE
Becca tells the group she’s going to pamper them like her first date with Eerie. REMEMBER WHEN EERIE DUMPED HER? They all get to... borrow tuxes for the day. Bex oggles the guys changing through her fingers. She finds out that Model Jordan is a model.
We now see the gender-reversed relay race date of the Ashton/Milla date from last season. Instead we get Rachelorette and ugh Bryan. Rachel makes a bunch of awkward oral sex jokes and I get the feeling they cut a LOT of interesting shit from her season.
They compete in a love metaphor competition where they shred their rented tuxes and their dignity. The obstacles are named gendered-marriage-stereotype things like "Ball and Chain" and "Cold Feet." COOOOOOOOOOOOOL. GO FEMINISM. Between this and only defining Bex by Eerie dumping her, it almost makes me think this show is bad for women. Lincoln cheats in the comp by pushing someone and wins a framed photo of him and Bex.
Later at Drinks...
Lincoln flaunts his trophy picture to the dudes and makes out with it, as one does. God-Fearing-Connor now reveals himself to be a complete and utter psychopath. He yells at Lincoln and tries to hide the photo. Lincoln brings it back and God-Fearer throws it into the pool, missing and shattering the frame.
Someone tries to calm God-Fearer: "We’re all getting tested here!" What would Jesus throw dude? Lincoln cries and then tells Bex he felt "physically threatened" by this incident. A different sociopath: "We got our first cryer." Cologne-Jean-Blanc avoids the drama and gets the group date rose.
They’re going to listen to Lil Jon "DJ" "Turn Down for What", whilst smashing things from Bex's past with Eerie. WAIT DID SHE DATE EERIE?!?!?!?!?!
Later at Drinks...
Blake tells his sob story of... getting broken up with once? K. He's boring and they look like brother and sister. Bex can see him as her "teammate" and Blake gets rose.
Dodgeball Group Date
Colton doesn't care what they do on their dates: "We can make chicken noodle soup and I’m gonna be esstatic." K. Bex looks like Kaitlyn Bristowe here.
A bunch of children train the men how to play dodgeball. Someone should peg the kids. Even the children bring up Eerie to her. Is this going to be the only fucking fact they ever say about her?! SHE ONCE DATED A BEIGE TOOL. NEVER FORGET. I thought I was going to be most annoyed by her catchphrase but it turns out I'm most annoyed by this!
One kid screams, "TRAAAAASH!" at the guys and I’ve never identified with someone more. Globetrotter Christon pegs Bex.
They play dodgeball on trampolines in front of a crowd and a barely-present Fred Willard. Lord Harrison: "Leo has gone to the man bun." That's why they pay him the big bucks, baby! His finger's on the pulse with this searing commentary!!! It looks like they put Becca in the back row and she can't even see them. Dating is so weird! They make a big deal of how Leo is the last man standing but there's literally no stakes to this competition-- no one even "wins" more time at the end.
Later at Drinks...
Wills is a babe although he has a Harry Potter tattoo. Wills: "I’ve never considered myself a front runner." Pepe the Fisherman Garrett sends me off the fucking rails. Fisherman: "I like to make the light of a situation... I feel like you’re the girl version of me... MAGA."
Virgin Colton reveals: "I had a relationship with Tia." Bex is friends with her and he also dated that gymnast Aly Raisman. How did a virgin date all these hot women?? Colton tells Bex they had a weekend together. Just doing butt stuff? Spooning? How did he meet her? This is all very SUS. Did he come into this thinking it was Tia?? I realize that Raven and Tia are one in my mind and I'm like NO WONDER SHE'S NEVER ORGASMED SHE ONLY BANGS VIRGINS. But that was Raven. Anyway.
Becca starts crying, "I'm losing trust." Yeah... don’t trust anyone they’re on the Bachelor... Wills gets the date rose.
OMG BECCA'S DRESS IS AMAZING. Clay and Bex backpack-kid/floss/kill me and then make out. She's going for all the kisses and I love it.
Bex: "And the crowd goes even more wild!" Venmo John reads Bex a poem and kisses her. God-Fearing-Psycho-Connor gives Bex a new picture to throw in the pool as if that makes up for his lunatic reaction to Lincoln.
Model decides he needs to stand out so he takes off all his clothes and interrupts Chicken. Model: "They’ve never seen a pair of brass balls like that. Tick tock let’s make it rock."
Model spews a whole bunch of nonsense and proves that the producers get to keep certain people: "I don’t want you to misinterpret me as some 007 guy... I like to speed... Ice cream cone g wagon?... I’m multidimensional I’m not just some guy with hair." Omg guys, this is so embarrassing I thought he was 007 this whole time.
Model is now wearing a fluffy pink blanket and shows the other dudes his chairless "Clint Eastwood". Chicken is PISSED about his "disrespectful" stripping. Model: "But it was very comparable to swimwear!"
Chicken: "Night one was the time for your fun!" EVERYONE KNOWS NIGHT 1 IS FOR CHICKEN FUN AND NIGHT 2 IS FOR SOB STORIES YOU PLEB!!!!! Model: "I wore my underwear bro, that’s not trying to get attention... Are you still talking to me?" WHAT AM I WATCHING.
Then they fight over whether the right word is ingenuine/inguenity and the loser is ALL OF US.
Becca asks Colton about Tia and admits she's now holding back with him. They can hold back together.
Colton's still too hot to cut and they haven't made him confess his virginity OR ambushed him with Tia yet so she keeps him. She sends home Alex, Trent, and Rickey. I can’t believe Ron-Pearlman-Chris even made it to kissing level. Alex cries super duper hard and they never cut and I feel the deepest conflict within my soul. See y'all next week!