By: Lizzy Pace
Episode 2 (Air Date: 5/20/19)
Lord Harrison: "Welcome to the mansion!" And like in all mansions, you’ll be sleeping in bunk beds and recorded the whole time.
Mr. Right Group Date.
It's Pageant Day. Miss Jay and a couple drag queens host. The dudes have to walk in speedos. Love the group humiliation date!
Someone: "Hannah is ingenious when it comes to having fun." They have to literally do strip teases.
Dumb Luke/Shower Jesus: "I don’t have much when it comes to immediate stage talent." He tells Hama he's falling in love with her and he wins the pageant. I feel like Shower Jesus cannot find his way around a vagina but he’d vote to outlaw abortion.
Hama: "Luke P told me he was starting to fall in love with me. And I believe him... He’s saying everything my heart needs him to say." Jed gets the group date rose for his song though. Major immediate stage talent.
Jed: "I didn’t win the me right pageant but think I won the night." He knows which Trophies in this game are meaningful.
Tyler G One-on-One
They take off in helicopter and blow everyone’s shirts up exposing their mic tape. Jed raps. Oh no. Tyler and Hama go dirt biking. Tyler: "This is how fairy tales start." Did they give all the guys a bunch of molly this season?? It’s week 2. I’m pretty sure Tyler is an AI bot programmed to speak in inspirational Instagram posts.
Roller derby group date
Someone: "she’s beautiful and she knows it and she’s rocking it." The derby ladies tell everyone that they will fall. You WILL get hurt in this "date." Not even Hama wants to do it. Hama: "Last time I went roller skating I broke my arm but here I am!" The more trauma the better. That's finding love!
Singer Cam tries to promote his own catchphrase: "ABC: Always Be Cam." Fred Willard narrates this derby race on the brink of death. The audience chants "Kill!" K. Cam crashes the group date and commits the heinous crime of using the phrase "Hannalytical". Several guys interrupt his confessionals to tell him it’s not cool. Dustin gets group date rose.
Like any good party host, Hama starts crying as she soon as she enters the party. This is finding love. She cheerses them to "real moments". It's not real if you're not actively crying. Scammin Cam makes Kevin and Hama both come over to do "a chicken nugget ceremony" with him. Kevin says "go fuck yourself" to Scam and throws a bunch of nuggets at him. K.
Shower Jesus gives Hama "a sneak peek of what can come down the road" by giving her a massage. Jed walks in on them and Shower Jesus is shirtless but this mini drama peters out.
Connor J., Daron, and Matthew go home. Scam gets the last rose.