By: Lizzy Pace
Episode 9 (Air Date: 7/24/17)
The Final Three are in Rachel's hometown of Dallas. She gives a speech about how her sister is super pregnant so the show can't fly out the family somewhere cool. The show can't go on without her pregnant sister's bizarre husband who is super into race so, NEW GROUND. They will meet the parents before Fantasy Suites. I wonder how the white brother-in-law will respond to having seeing Bachelor Nation’s reaction to him. Maybe he’ll have slicked back hair and suddenly be jacked. Maybe he will double-down on his schtick and go, "I see you are a white, I see you are a black, I see you are a Latino, etc." Fingers crossed!!!
Bryan-of-Olga is not prepared for this change in the gameplay. Bryan: "We're gonna meet her family, which is huge. I thought we were all gonna be separated from this point moving forward after Hometowns."
Hot Peter Meets the Family
Rachel takes Hot Peter shopping for baby clothes for his future nephew. I'm going to be so annoyed if this doesn't work out.
Meanwhile, back at the Hotel...
Eric and Bryan-of-Olga shit-talk Hot Peter. Bryan: "He supposedly told her on their one-on-one in Geneva that he may not even ask for her hand in marriage even if she picks him."
Eric: “He said that?! What is his protocol of being here?”
Back on the Date...
Hot Peter tells Rachel that what he said on their last date was "not what I meant to say."
Rachel plays dumb, "What do you mean?"
Hot Peter: "I am falling in love with you."
The change-up the white brother-in-law makes is he now has glasses. He does not even MENTION Peter's race, which is quite disappointing.
Rachel's Dad can't be there because he's a federal judge but she says her Mom will ask the tough questions and she does. Peter tells the family his Dad asked his Mom to get married after a month and that he blacked out when he met Rachel.
Rachel talks with her pregnant sister Constance who reminds her that she was "excited with Nick last time too."
White brother-in-law sits down with Hot Peter and asks Peter what Rachel's red flags are??? Bro-in-law: “She's not perfect. What kind of items do you see that are of, not necessarily concern-- but of note?”
Rachel's Mom also asks her about Peter's red flags. Rachel: "I don’t know if he’s going to want to propose at the end of this."
Hot Peter talks with Rachel’s Mom who gets to the red flags immediately: "Why would you want to propose to Rachel? What is it about her that would make you want to propose to her?"
Hot Peter: "I want to pursue a relationship with her... I want to wait until I know for certain that I want to propose to her." Rachel's Mom: "You’re playing with her heart and her feelings."
COPPER’S PLAYING WITH THE KIDS!!! Every cut to Adam Junior this season should have been replaced with a clip of Copper tbh... Also every cut to Adam...
Rachel's cousin tries to get the kid to "say winner".
Rachel says bye to Hot Peter and he poses with his finger on his lips.
Eric Meets the Family
They go to the tall ball/Reunion Tower of Dallas and Rachel points out the Federal building where her Dad works. Rachel: "Are you shaking?" Eric: "I’m not shaking." Rachel: "Are you scared?" Eric: "I’m not scared no more."
Back at the Hotel...
Hot Peter and Bryan chat about Eric. Bryan continues to refer to this as a video game where you need to check off certain levels: “Hopefully he does get the blessing but, you never know, it’s really an unknown. Did you ask that of Rachel’s family?"
Hot Peter: "No. I just wanted the approval. Can I continue to date your daughter?"
Bryan-of-Olga: "I’m hoping to show the family how much chemistry we have and get the blessing."
Hot Peter: "What’s awkward is having to sit here with her boyfriend while her other boyfriend is at home meeting her family. I don’t want to be sitting with you right now."
Back on the Date...
Rachel's family tell Eric that they liked his first impression dance.
Eric tells them he's all about generic life ideas like "family love, family bond" and that he hasn't brought a girl home since Prom.
Rachel's sister: "When was your last relationship since you never brought anyone home?
Eric: "2015. I dated a girl for 8 months. But she prepared me."
Rachel's sister: "Were you in love with the girl of 8 months?" Eric: "I wasn’t." Rachel's sister: "So you’ve never been in love?"
Rachel's Cousin: "He’s really sweet and very sincere." Rachel: "That’s the same thing you said about Peter... I think Eric is great. The only reason I feel hesitation/red flags, he’s never been in love..." Cousin: "He’s not a fairytale person. He’s very real."
Eric tells Rachel’s Mom, "It’s a privilege to be in your presence."
Eric then asks her permission to propose and Rachel's Mom gives a very lawyerly answer: "At this point, if Rachel decided you two were going to take that journey which could lead to marriage, I feel confident with that. Wherever that leads, I trust her."
Bryan-of-Olga Meets the Family
Rachel picks up Bryan and they're both wearing their matching watches to shove it in Peter and Eric's faces that they didn't get any free merch yet.
Bryan-of-Olga re: Rachel's family: "I’ll show them who I am and I think they will definitely be impressed."
Hot Peter calls Bryan’s cheeks fake: "In Miami there’s a lot of fake asses, tits, fake cheeks... I'm not the biggest fan of Bryan."
Bryan meets Rachel’s friends who signed her up for the show. They can see his "confidence" and Rachel tells them she first "thought he was a douchebag."
Bryan-of-Olga: "I think I really won them over and it was a success." Rachel tells him he's going to meet her uncle Jeff who's an anesthesiologist.
Bryan-of-Olga: "I’m expecting I’ll make a good first impression with them like I did with the friends."
Bryan of Olga meets Rachel's family who she will never be allowed to spend time with if she picks Bryan. He tells them, "I love my Mother dearly. She's the number one woman in my life."
Bryan: "I want to love the same woman over and over again. Start a family. Build a legacy."
Rachel's Mom is not down with this douchebaggery nonsense and starts going in on Bryan: "When your wife and your mother bump heads, where does the loyalty lie?... Where's the priority?"
Rachel's pissed her family hasn't had their pants charmed off yet. Rachel: "He said loyalty's with the wife!!!"
Rachel's Mom is awesome: "Rachel was not happy with the questions... That goes along with her asking us to assess these guys." Bryan-of-Olga: "From Day 1, I thought she’s my girlfriend." Constance: "She was your girlfriend after like, a week?"
Bryan: "Her genuineness brought it out of me."
Constance's confessional: "I don't think there's the sincerity factor in it." Boom.
Byran runs away to avoiding answering questions.
Bro-in-law mansplains to Rachel: "You're approaching it from an emotional perspective."
Rachel's Mom: "You are in a bubble. We are outside the bubble." Rachel: "He handled himself very well." He literally ran away.
Bryan-of-Olga tells Constance he loves their family. Constance: "It's been an hour and a half."
Rachel takes Top Three to Spain to bang out.
Rachel gazes at an old bell. Bryan-of-Olga wears a deep V and plays soccer with some street children.
Hot Peter walks down a different alley that's also filled with children including a child bride.
Eric's Fantasy Suite Date
Eric is manic/on uppers again. He screams at Rachel when he sees her: "We out here!!!!!!" It should also be noted that he still purrs at her.
Eric: "I always say one-on-one, full of fun. Rich Rach, Big E. It’s our time again."
Eric says he needs to "release" his "I love you."
Later at Dinner…
Rachel grills Eric about his feelings. Eric: "I feel amazing. From Week 1 to now, it’s so surreal. I’ve had so many moments in this journey. The helicopter ride, kissing you. Just being in the moment with you... The hot tub... The eye contact, the chemistry."
Rachel: "Physical chemistry or emotional chemistry?"
Finally, Eric tells her, "I’m in love with you. And I tried to run, week 3, week 4... Naw E, that’s not happening no more... Rachel Lindsay, I love you." Rachel gives him the Fantasy Suite Card and he reads it so slowly that I have flashbacks to his painful performance in the spelling bee. They go bang out. We see a tousled bed the next morning.
Hot Peter's Fantasy Suite Date
A wine seller explainsto them: "The vineyard was built on love. " Then the wine seller sings a Spanish song to Rachel's face and tells Peter to "kiss her with embellishments".
They tell each other they’re balances for each other and Rachel tries to ask Peter about him not wanting to get engaged. SUDDENLY, YET ANOTHER CHILD wanders into frame.
The child drags them to a bucket of grapes and they start stepping on it with the kid’s dad? They make out. Peter’s hand on dat ass.
Later at Drinks...
Peter: "To many firsts. Rachel brings up Peter’s stance on proposals: "If we really want this then somebody’s gotta bend." Peter: "My belief in engagement is that engagement is marriage... I don’t know where to go from here to be honest."
Rachel starts crying. Rachel: "For the first time, I'm thinking Peter and I may not work out.
AND WE'RE ENDING MID-HOT-PETER'S-FANTASY-SUITE-DATE?!?! What kind of blue balls bullshit is this??? Not ending on a Rose Ceremony?! Do they think we're some sort of all-over-the-place plebs?! There's going to be three guys left in the Finale?? I'm fine, guys... Everything is fine...